Monday, June 29, 2009

Wishing

I wish I could say that I've won the lottery, had a book published, found the most fabulous job that pays a butt load of money and found the perfect man and I'm planning my extravagant wedding right now.

But I'd just be lying.

Instead I'm doing nothing. I've written a little, watched a ton of movies, tweaked with my resume a little (very very little) and have gone out to eat with a lot of my friends. Which is all nice honestly to take a little break and do things that interest me instead of just going to work and shuffling papers then coming home and being too tired to do anything.

But it's all getting old. Real quick.

I'm a semi-social creature. I'm glad I have my friends to keep me company but sometimes you just want to interact with more people. People that aren't real close to you and know all your dirty secrets. Someone that you don't really know inside and out. It's comfortable but a little boring if you know what is going to come out of your friends mouth before they even say it.

I guess I need to start looking for the new job just so I won't be so bored. What a sad statement.

And I've been thinking about what I possibly want to do. Being someone's assistant is getting to be a little old. I don't mind it if I get a Boss that I like but just always being known as someone's assistant is a little demeaning. No one expects much out of you. You are just a paper pusher. But then again the only type of jobs I have ever had have been assistant type jobs. I don't know anything else. I have my computer degree but I have not the slightest idea what I can do with it. I hated programming.

Then my little creative side has been screaming for attention. That lust to be a writer that has always hung around me since high school is wanting to come out even though what are the odds that you can write a book that gets picked up by a publishing company these days? Are the days of books and book deals coming to an end? Are we all instant gratification people who only want to see movies and TV shows because it tells a story in a compact manner?

There's also the issue of my little sister. She's moving to Austin on Wednesday and she's still begging and pleading for me to move with her even though she says they plan to only live there maybe a year and then head back to Houston. I'm pissed that I got roped into moving her when she will only stay there a year. Who makes a move like that to another city knowing you're going to be back in a year? Craziness I tell ya. The temptation to move and maybe start a new life in a city that honestly is a lot more vibrant than Houston is overwhelming. But is Austin as magical as everyone makes it sound? Is it just going to be the same thing there? Am I going to be as frustrated with my life there as I am with it here?

Where the hell is my inner peace? I'm 37 for God's Sake. Shouldn't I already have something like inner peace instead of this restlessness I feel instead? I feel like sometimes it's a mid-life crisis or that feeling I get all the time that I'm just holding something in instead of letting it out like I really want to.

What I'm listening to right now: Silversun Pickups - Swoon
What I'm procrastinating on right now: Looking for a job
What I wish I was right now: Rich without a care in the world
What I'm glad I'm not right now: A member of Michael Jackson's family (the turmoil I tell ya)
Posted by Shell :: Monday, June 29, 2009 :: 0 People Offering Chocolate

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Just to make my life extra miserable...

I decided to go vegetarian again. It's been about a month and all I've really shed is about 7 pounds. I should start walking and hopefully the weight will come flying off but my allergies are killing me which has made my asthma flare up.

And just to make myself extra miserable I decided that in addition to the vegetarian thing (which honestly isn't very hard for me to do) I decided that we'll just knock out sugar and processed foods (torture...pure torture). I'm basically eating vegetables with some ranch dressing now. Why I've only lost 7 pounds like this I have not the slightest idea. Maybe I'm just made to be fat. It's incredibly disappointing but I'm not willing to give up my cheese. I love cheese. I bet if I stopped with the cheese I'd be a size 2 in no time.

This Friday is officially my last day at Merrill Lynch. I wish I could say I was really sad and deeply disappointed about it but honestly I feel it's time. I always told myself I would get into the financial industry as a means to make money to finish my degree and well...I got the degree last year so why am I still working in an industry that doesn't interest me? I'm not stupid though...if the right amount of money is offered I would consider jumping back in but for now I'm going to try to get into something that interests me.

Can I tell you that this digital conversion thing blows? I have a TV that is digital compatible but my dear beloved Tivo is not. It's an older one and I'm not willing to give it up just yet (a new one costs $400 and I can't justify that expense right now). I can set it up to be digitally compatible but that has been a pain in the ass. For some reason Tivo doesn't like my wireless network anymore and the one who set all that up for me is my Ex who doesn't really want to speak to me anymore. It's been a real hassel but a friend said he will come over tomorrow and fix it for me. He THINKS it will be an easy fix but he's forgotten that nothing that I'm involved in is easy. Poor sucker.

Sorry it's so long between posts but I've been doing a little writing on the side and mainly hanging out on Facebook. Send me an email at shellkbar at gmail and I'll add you to my Facebook if you're interested. Because honestly, you can never have too much Shell. Plus I'm a lot more open on there and you can meet some of my goofy family members.

-Shell

Labels: Fat, Misc

Posted by Shell :: Tuesday, June 09, 2009 :: 3 People Offering Chocolate

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Know What I Hate?

I hate when my parents get all bent out of shape because my sister and I are going out to eat. They assume we are going to go off and get drunk together or something.

Yes, my sister has been busted a few times for the drinking but seriously - do my parents think I'm going to take her out, get her drunk and let her make that mistake again? When she's with me she knows I'm counting beers. She knows I won't let her do something stupid on my watch. Yet my parents must think I'm the wild child.

They don't drink. At all. So they think anyone who goes and has one beer is an alcoholic. Seriously. I'm 37 and I'm tired of hearing it. They need to cut the crap out.

Tonight my Mom called my sister crying because she told her that we were going out for dinner with a cousin of mine. Yes my cousin likes to drink but just because you go out with someone doesn't mean you're going to be irresponsible too. Or that I'm going to let my sister be irresponsible.

I guess it's just easier to label everyone a drunk and get upset about it then give the benefit of the doubt and just assume they are responsible adults.

I need another beer to drown out the anger.

Labels: Family

Posted by Shell :: Thursday, May 28, 2009 :: 2 People Offering Chocolate

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Things I'm Going To Do This Long Ass Weekend

1. Kill two of my neighbor's dogs

2. Beat the crap out of said owners of stupid yapping (and now dead) dogs


3. Sell more books to the bookstore and try to convince myself to buy an exercise video


4. Curse loudly after I injure myself with said exercise video


5. Take a nap from the overload of Tylenol I will take to make injury stop aching


6. Decide a beer would work better but decide I'm too tired to go get beer. Beg sister to come over and bring beer. She can't hear me on the cell phone over the party she's at. Get depressed, take more Tylenol, go to bed.


7. Look at eHarmony and curse about the losers on there and how much money I parted with for the six month subscription (and why do I keep checking it??!?). Oh the sandals I could have bought with that money!


8. Write my resume for the 1,000 time and decide once again it's not good enough and I will never find a job


9. Go to Grandmother's house to attempt to clean it again and get frustrated. Go home to my itty bitty apartment and clean it out so I can donate half the contents so that if I kick it tomorrow my poor family won't be spending months cleaning it out.


10. Buy my 3rd pair of flip flops for the summer even though I can't wear said flip flops to work. Criticize myself over the waste of money. Decide to buy another pair in brown because I'm just too hard on myself sometimes.


11. Decide that I will go ride the bike so that I can claim I exercised this weekend. Decide that riding down by the bayou is a great idea. I take the curve too close and flip the bike into the bayou (I've done this before...). Get wet and stinky retrieving said bike from bayou. Give up and take bike home. Get only 1/4 mile away from apartment. Decide that's good enough exercise for one weekend.


12. Decide that I don't need a television in the bedroom because I don't want to have to buy a converter box for it. Try to haul TV down three flights of stairs and accidentally drop it on my foot or strain my back. Get depressed because I'm too damn old for this stuff. Decide that instead of a man my age I should be looking for someone younger. Decide I'll be a cougar...meow!


This is just a working list.


What's your plans? If you're cooking, invite me!

Labels: Weekend Recap

Posted by Shell :: Thursday, May 21, 2009 :: 3 People Offering Chocolate

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Friday, May 15, 2009

I Think I Know Why I'm Still Single...

So today I went to the bookstore to sell more of my books and junk. Finally got rid of that Milli Vanilli CD (Just kidding!). Anyway, at this bookstore there's a guy I used to go to school with and I bump into him every now and then (and he's still in school so there's someone I know who has been going LONGER than I have! Yeah me!).

Him: So how's it going? How's the love life?
Me: Non existent. I'm doing like three online sites and NOTHING
Him: What's the problem?
Me: There's a bunch of freaks on there...
Him: Present company excluded?
Me: Yeah...they're all crazy...except for me.
Him: So why haven't you gotten any of your girlfriends to fix you up?
Me: Because they're all married with married friends.
Him: How come we never hooked up?
Me: Because I know you...
Him: And??!?
Me: Knowing you doesn't work in your favor. Plus you're gay.
Him: Yeah...I forgot about that.

So basically that's why I'm still single. The only ones hitting on me are gay and that's only because they had a fleeting moment where they forgot they were gay (which I suspect was probably a drug induced amnesia). Sigh. I'm gonna be single forever.

Labels: Singledom

Posted by Shell :: Friday, May 15, 2009 :: 3 People Offering Chocolate

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

You wear button up blouses
I prefer old t-shirts

You wear slip on shoes
I'm not going anywhere without flip flops

You like pants with elastic
I say the more buttons the better

You wear bright colors and patterns
Neutrals and darks are best for me

You can sew anything
I just prick my finger and bleed

You can cook
Chick-fil-a knows me well

You say you don't know who I resemble
Your baby pictures tell a different story

I'm different but I'm yours
Happy Mother's Day Mom

BTW...no more scary strokes, okay?

Enjoy!

Labels: Family

Posted by Shell :: Sunday, May 10, 2009 :: 1 People Offering Chocolate

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Love Almost Lost/Not Here At All...

eHarmony is still a total waste of money. And a friend of mine (who I really don't think is a friend but rather someone who wanted to see me suffer some more) suggested Chemistry.com.

I liked the questions on Chemistry.com and I could narrow down who I'm looking for (i.e. my computer nerd couch potato) but it hasn't really shown me very many matches either. Another waste of money in my opinion.

But everyone keeps telling me to keep at it. But I'm losing interest. Fast. Real fast. I keep thinking of how many pairs of shoes I could have bought with the money I've wasted on these dating sites. Sigh.

And they are all so restrictive. I remember a long time ago on AOL that you could just look for people and then automatically start emailing them and passing emails back and forth or even IMing. Now they are all restrictive telling you that you have to click this button to say you're interested and then you wait for them to click a button that says they are interested and then you pass pre-fabricated questions back and forth blah blah blah. So damn boring.

Let's just say that when these subscriptions end I'm not renewing.

Strange things are happening on the job front. I want to spill it but I also know that I don't want to jinx anything.

I've been kind of quiet on here lately because my Mom had a stroke last Thursday. It was a minor stroke but it really shook me. I thought we were all past this illness in the family thing. She's going to make a nearly full recovery with some physical therapy and she's doing really well but she's gotten impatient and wants to be better now. I can't blame her. I can tell it gets frustrating talking as slow as she does and not being able to use her left hand much but we keep telling her to wait. Your brain needs time to heal. Stop getting so angry at yourself.

So this Mother's Day will be an extra special one for me because I could be grieving for the loss of my Mom but I would also be remembering my Grandmother who I had last Mother's Day before she passed away a couple of weeks later.

I better watch Lost or my co-worker in the New York office will yell at me that I didn't watch it so we could discuss. What I will do for friends.

Shell

Labels: Family, That Love Thing

Posted by Shell :: Thursday, May 07, 2009 :: 2 People Offering Chocolate

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------